#Oh! Okay well that makes sense lol

[fandomfairyuniverse]

“It’s okay to love” but it’s not. Because this whole thing started from a lie. Because style only started this because he wanted a car. Because this isn’t just going lead to a buttload of heartache for them but also for Kant and bison. It’s okay to fall in love but it’s not. None of this is okay. But they’re going to fall in love anyway

[unproduciblesmackdown]

revisited some parts of deh i hadn't in a while via obc boots, mostly kicked off by audio of an aus tour show, & it's like now hang on lol reevaluating the whole of heidi's material / that arc like i have been too generous what in the....kind of worked backwards from good for you b/c for that song i've Been like sympathetic re: alana & jared's sections while like Shrug at heidi like i'm on evan's side there really. but the whole thing is like, sympathy for heidi's feelings aside, i'm on evan's side b/c like yeah heidi has feelings & insecurities too but it's not the same peer to peer like fellow unpopular couple of students as parent to child & i'm looking at it all like The Whole Thread is heidi's insecurities as A Mother & the demand is on evan all the time to not just Not cause her insecurity but also assuage ones that have nothing to do with him, e.g. what's he supposed to say about digs at his dad's wife

& like really going over that First Scene i.e. opening scene post evan's soliloquy i.e. anybody have a map it's like. sure only increasingly like Oh Boy when evan not being able to order pizza despite the online option is met with the "you Need to be able to order dinner for yourself" ft. that he should be "too old for this" (disability....grow up) (not a direct quote but rather yknow the "you're a senior in high school, evan" intro) & nothing about like, support or alternatives, certainly nothing about it being Okay that he couldn't. just that he Has to do this thing this way (why. or else what.) & also just the simple fact that evan has been honest about "something wrong with him" / something he did that he figures she wouldn't like & gotten this wholly negative response about that just being Unacceptable to hear, regardless of the "positive" pivot like you can do it re: school, just must not be Trying enough, just must be evan's own attitude or something else about him, the letters had better help....& all this revisiting inspired by beau woodbridge evan's delivery after heidi says the line about Her Not Wanting To Hear (framed about Her Feelings if evan were to Tell her about this) about evan having no friends, & like the delivery of "neither do i??" like a sort of nonplussed indignation that is a kind of "how do you think *i* feel about it??" like no yeah what about evan's feelings about him dealing with his problems here, the one not having dinner, not having friends, not Not having anxiety, etc. like obviously heidi like every person ever has feelings & problems too but it's that the parent's problems are supposed to be Made Up For by the child somehow, while evan's problems are framed as Being A Problem for his mom, how she feels about Knowing about it, try harder please okay evan....but cue, yknow, how she resents evan feeling any responsibility for Her Problems in gfy yknow not insofar as she's been embarrassed to tell him like "yeah money is a problem" when it's been about pushing him to get scholarships but rather when the murphys know (maybe just via evan implying they're Not Rich to zoe after zoe is like ah, to be poor....) that heidi will need Financial Support for college for evan & then heidi like i'm not That poor & to take money would be wrong (always the reminder heidi does not know everything re: evan & connor isn't true either)

which, that last part of her dinner at the murphys pre gfy was really this time hitting like ://// whew okay. all of it always grating lmao but like, "i don't want evan to get the idea etc" like ma'am he's sitting right here? he's seventeen? can't just Declare the ideas evan will or won't absorb even though like yeah also clearly it's about her pride as A Good Mom being wounded & just putting it on evan by expressing it that way like no i have to be A Good Mom via my example, is why i must decline....& like i'm sure it can all be softened depending on how heidi is played but still like, this is about her Full Story / Material, & just what is written lol like even if she was more [pensive emoji single tear] in delivery or something, vs watching the obc like full anger & contempt by this point & i'm like yeah this Shouldn't be familiar if the excuse of like "well heidi is messing up in this Special Occasion, an outlier" really went that far. or was actually out of line w/how she acts other times. or how this all resolves. but heidi storming out While lashing out at evan / blaming him like my god lmfaooo & like. speaking of "do you think the murphy parents did read between the lines & think evan & connor are secret gay high school lovers" like gee evan having no problem moving in to the murphy household, keeping secrets from his mom like his ostensible epic friendship w/connor, not talking aobut her or really trying on his own to involve her, being fairly alarmed when Surprise Dinner With Your Mom, heidi acting like That??? like "do you think the murphy parents read between the lines to think evan is abused by his parent" i mean like lol lmfaooo on both points like heternormativity? the normativity of abuse & parents Owning their child as well? in the murphy household? but you know. of course no deh is not supposed to be about that but i'm like, uh oh, whole time i was like "well my own perspective based on what i learned from personal experience & then learned About such experiences isn't that relevant at least to heidi b/c it's supposed to be that she's Not Like That at the end of the day" but i'm like is it in effect though lol, is it really that different In Essence if not also like "yep the way heidi acts is just directly familiar sometimes. maybe often. or always" difference in degree like. plus just that how often is whatever particular lens/perspective like Useless to apply

anyway & that fight in the leadup to gfy is wild & just like further illuminating re: how the whole time, from the first scene, it's like okay to heidi what's most important in her motivations is Her Insecurity about how anything about evan supposedly reflects on her being a mom, like. again that heidi has no idea everything about evan & connor isn't true & she's just going sicko mode at evan b/c the murphys Aren't His Family, yknow, She is, & that entitlement that's supposed to come with it, evan can't have these other adults acting Parently towards him re: money & housing & dinners & feeling fond of him or anything, all circumventing her status as His Mother....the whole "sorry i can't give you more than that, shit" "well it's not my fault other people can" like yeah sorry about your feelings heidi, yeah it's not "nice" of evan to say that but i'm not like yes evan must never even think things that aren't nice(tm) much less say them, that again like even if we sympathize w/heidi there b/c obviously yeah she'd be hurt & feel insecure. even if we suppose that was mean of evan. i'm like well yeah he's right. just setting aside the apparent universal desire for a life as closely approximating the brady bunch as possible, it's like hey yeah look evan's been getting dinners this way, re: him not ordering a pizza at the start of a show. turning out to be less important like "well at least you've been eating, good" than evan not doing so through the Proper efforts to Become Normal(tm) & of course that like. coming from another mom staying home making him food is unacceptable b/c she imagines this is supplanting her / making her the Bad Mom vs this Good Mom & then taking it out on evan to make her feel Good Enough(tm) like truly just the usual fallback refrain of "ohh sorry i'm not perfect / have feelings / have problems" which is true for everyone ever but yknow evan is the one having to Defend his feelings & problems & imperfections against the fallout of "failing" to be "responsible" for mitigating or fulfilling heidi's & she's the one who can break out "i'm your mother" whereas evan's less overtly declared "i'm your son" about her potentially failing Him is what gets met with more contempt & "ohh sorry i'm not perfect & have feelings & problems" & her starting off Good For You. great

& like the way All That illustrates, like the way evan getting dinner now through a different now available avenue is, to heidi, more about her own feelings than about [evan gets dinner now], like just that expanded to how it's not Okay that evan's problems seem to be getting better / he's getting more support / he's doing better or anything as soon as heidi becomes insecure about her not having the role she wants in it. the entire thread about her being bothered about evan not telling her things, lying about things, hiding things, like yeah evident that she Is worried about him but same as she's evidently worried about him in the first scene, when, again, we Did see him share something honestly with her & she was like "UGH evan jeez i Hate that you told me this" & then her input is to tell him to Get Good, yknow, must be his own failures, get on that. gosh why would he keep anything from her. & then yknow we have that line later on, evan like you don't know me & heidi like "i thought i did" (contempt again) & like the main issue of this not being like "oh no if i Don't know him or about his problems then i'm not supporting him like i thought i was / he's not getting the support Overall i thought he was" but rather like i can't believe evan is doing this to me / her insecurities & evan's "responsibility" for them, again, rather than yknow. evan's wellbeing regardless of her personal feelings? & we're ready for resolution after heidi inadvertently reads his diary to realize he was that sad & it's like. even if he wasn't That Sad like none of that response was okay. at any point lol like it's still the issue of her dynamic with him where evan is In Charge Of how heidi feels & that obviously she can act on this in the ways she can & what can evan do about anything but avoid her / not share things / idk indeed move in with this other family lol, sorry about the pretenses (also obviously like. murphy parents not doing that much better. certainly larry like, are you kidding? never changes his mind that all connor's problems were connor's fault & Failings & now his reaction to it is about facing any insecurity & Rejecting It as no i'm always right & just have to hold out forever. vs that zoe is also bearing the brunt of being Trapped In The Family(tm) but cynthia dares to be like "no, i feel like i failed my dead son" & "no, i don't feel someone 'has to be the bad guy' who tramples boundaries")

like speaking of boundaries. ppl having always pointed out "uh oh, heidi's not good with those" or the point like "in gfy heidi's also mad about the rejection by her ex-husband & just putting that over her fight w/evan" like not beating the [parent making their child the one in charge of them & their feelings & actions] allegations.......

& you know, the resolution like "ohh you were sadder than i knew" like okay Now that matters instead of heidi Just being insecure that he wasn't sharing this with her already, thus the important part being how that makes her feel like a bad mom vs like, how evan is actually doing & her actual role in this beyond what makes her feel best, personally? or that like oh i'm Not going to not be here, physically, in this house....like okay. but what about the actual dynamic you have while around him & you will always be around him, b/c like, has that changed from the start. how is heidi going to offer support re: evan Feeling Like This that's different from "you Need to order pizza and Need to get your cast signed, Just Do It" or that b/c she doesn't want to hear otherwise like well then of course evan won't tell her, or maybe a therapist if that's not confidential, or other people if it'll get back to his mom, or the internet if that'll get back to his mom which i guess it will. is evan gonna be not in charge of her feelings anymore. i'm just like yeah evan find yourself in college sure get outta there idk if you're even rude along the way. & obv shoot larry into the sun

[layraket]

just watched The Monkey King

i have lots of thoughs. (rambling on tags)

[nephriteknight]

OKAY HERE IT IS my Book of Hours TMA au, still kind of unfinished

jon (knock lantern) is the 12th librarian, of course. i'm still haven't nailed down his backstory, but BoH literally has a book of children's stories filled with terrible secrets written in a language with "addictive qualities", so there's something good there i just need to figure out specifics

the most obvious choice is to make gertrude (knock heart?) 11th librarian, but i don't think van lauren's whole deal lines up with her at all. granted, she doesn't need to be doing van lauren's thing to work as 11th, but still, considerations. another option is to make gertrude governor of the cucurbit instead? i mean it's pretty terrible even for her, but it fits into her ends-justify-the-means protecting the world from the supernatural thing, so there's something interesting there.

if gertrude is governor, either sasha (knock lantern) or gerry (...lantern forge?) was 11th librarian. not sure who's better for that. if gertrude is 11th librarian, maybe jonah (lantern, and rose?? not sure) was governor of the cucurbit? (but i don't want him to be out of the story lol) if he's alive he's jon's superior at the bureau, if he's dead it's maybe sasha? altho the beureau doesn't seem like her thing. maybe sasha was another previous librarian?

actually wait i've just had another thought. jonah is from way earlier in hush house's history instead, a baron probably, and just like in tma jon mostly finds a bunch of homoerotic letters written to him. he'd probably have tried to become immortal, maybe a lantern long? he could theoretically still be around. probably visits during numa

jon's friend in brancrug is georgie (winter heart) -- not sure what her job would be. also living in brancrug is martin (heart moon)!

jon and martin initially get off on the wrong foot, but eventually jon admits that martin is useful for clearing out rooms and they start spending more time together (jon definitely starts hiring martin even if other assistants would be more efficient sometimes). one day he invites martin up to help out but they get distracted talking about things and never actually get around to work. jon tries to pay martin his promised shilling on his way out, and martin refuses; jon says that even though he didn't end up helping jon still wasted his day, but martin says he spent the day with his friend and it wasn't wasted at all. he spends more time there after that, even without a reason. (one time, they uncover the wine cellar and get drunk together; by the time they realize martin needs to go home it's the middle of the night and a storm is raging, so jon insists martin spend the night at hush house. unfortunately there is way more than one bed, but they will eventually get together).

jon reads and rereads martin's poetry for memories.

among hush house's many visitors are a pair of edge-long, daisy (edge grail?) and basira (edge rose), who sometimes come looking for each other. occasionally their visits overlap, much to the librarians' chagrin (so much collateral damage). jon once put a chess board in front of them and managed to delay the physical fighting long enough to move the breakable things elsewhere.

hmm now that i'm thinking about it, gerry works very well in christopher illopoly's place. had a falling out with his mother, who could easily have been a librarian, then later lived at hush house under a different librarian (gertrude), that's fun.

many more characters show up in this au, some as visitors and some as historical figures jon reads about as he restores the library (many characters will be long gone by the time jon becomes librarian, but they might not be the ones youd expect. reading about historical events and people is such an important and compelling part of BoH, and i think it would be cool to learn about major characters we care about solely from books). i haven't figured out who they all are in this setting, but i've figured out principle aspects for a lot of them!

tim (forge moon)

melanie (edge grail) - maybe moves to brancrug permanently to be with georgie?

jane prentiss (scale grail) (the cross died not but passed within)

oliver banks (winter sky)

the distortion (moth knock). would probably appear in this as a human (or non-human) named helen, since michael shelley makes more sense as someone connected to gertrude and/or hush house

peter lukas (moon winter) - comes by and shit talks jonah. occassionally jonah comes to check on jon's progress, and shit talks peter

simon fairchild (sky moth?)

adelard dekker (heart winter?)

agnes montague (forge and... winter maybe?)

jude perry (forge grail?)

annabelle cane (...oh thats tricky. knock sky?)

robert smirke (sky rose)

manuela dominguez (moon forge)

mikaele solesa (...hm im really not sure?) sells jon books like oriflamme's

well this post was as much stream of consciousness as it was writing down what i'd already planned. in conclusion: jonah as a baron (or maybe the second son of a baron who didn't inherit the estate, which everyone said was probably for the best since he never married or had heirs); mary, gertrude, sasha, and jon as librarians; gerry in a similar role to christopher illopoly; georgie and martin as villagers in brancrug; daisy and basira as an edge-long dyad.

gah this is fun. i wasn't planning to actually write anything for this but now i want to.

[sydbarrettism]

🔥 pink floyd fanfiction

i have a lot of thoughts about pf fanfics so uhh sorry if this gets long and rant-y im just very opinionated #peaceandlove

idk if it's unpopular but a good chunk of the ones in ao3 are umm... not exactly the level of writing im used to compared to some my other fandoms. to put it nicely. (mainly talking about the slash fics) there are okay ones, but the best fic i read in ao3 was essentially a gen fic.. so... Yeah. anyway i've read a lot of good ones in livejournal but trying to navigate that site was like using a metal detector to find treasure and it's either i get a gold coin or some random piece of metal

also in the ao3 sphere i think that we need more fics about the guys being in messy unlabeled situationships rather than anything about them being loving boyfriends to each other (exceptions may apply in moderation). i don't think these guys have the emotional intelligence to say "i love you" to each other in a way that feels like they're in a normal romantic relationship do you get what i'm saying?

anyway that's all what i've thought of for now thank u for sending me this ask 🫶

[carcarrot]

well that was a shortlived good feeling about my job

[keeps-ache]

!! Freak Shock !!

[chisaharu-chiha]

@chisapuppy Thank you for being apart of my life. Thank you for opening your heart up to this super anxious shy human being and welcoming me with open arms. I'm less shy and more brave and confident then I could have ever imagined being. Your friendship means the world to me and I will forever appreciate you, love you and cherish you from the bottom of my heart.

At some point I figure I've said this in various ways numerous times throughout our years of friendship, but I'm never tried if saying it. And I hope you're not tired of hearing it.

Also might as well post this now before my anxiety wakes up and tells me not to do it and I forget my words lol.

(and I might be rambling bc I do that. Okay.... have this song bye)

[amphibifish]

HEY FISH im curious what do you think about mcga loki. like as a character and loki adaptation

oh my god im so late to responding to this lmao i did not get anotifcation for this but ANYWAY

character wise i like him for what he is ! obviously hes the very common evil loki wants to start ragnarok antagonist but i think his scenes (visions?) with magnus are all very interesting and he's just entertaining to read/watch lol I haven't finished the third book yet so i'm still very curious to exactly what happened with randolph and his plan to foil loki's plans.

as for loki adaptation, he's very entertaining but i don't tend to gravitate towards portrayals of them that make them extra evil and malicious. i do like that iirc the grief and pain the aesir put him through was mentioned but it doesn't seem to be touched upon too much after the first(?) book. i def get a diff vibe from him compared to myth!loki and he just generally seems more malicious than them lol but overall i can appreciate mcga!loki for what he was meant to achieve ^_^ (also i just like him for being like the one other god thats meant to be taken seriously lol)

[sendmyresignation]

finally reading dance of days (thank you ohiolink and oberlin college <3) but my most consistent takeaway thus far. is oh my god. people who think punk is primarily ideological and not subcultural/musical. are so out of touch.

[steelycunt]

ridi im sorry i need to rant and i think youll get it 😭 like not to be a bitch but this fandom kinda going off the rails and annoying the shit out of me https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRbYASpf/ everybody in the comments unironically loving it,,, i mean wtvr ship who you want but its kinda getting delusional like ppl are just operating on thin air and pretty fancasts atp and i do Not understand or emotionally connect with any of it. at least w wolfstar theres so much material and foundation to explore but what is all the rest of this?? just hot celebrity fancasts and crack. to be fair part of me respects taking a terfs canon material and making everybody gay but the way it seems to be so oversaturating fics and the fandom that characters dont even feel like their original selves .. atp its all just surface level OCs

hello! yes! i'll be honest talking about things like this always make me a little nervous, and i feel obligated to preface anything i say with a disclaimer that none of it really matters, nothing i say matters, and you should do what you like, because--who cares. i am not an authority on--anything, frankly. my opinion holds no more weight than the next guy's, and all i'm doing here is giving it, so. essentially what im saying is--people are perfectly entitled to disagree with me, but people are not entitled to be mean to me about it xx

having said that. it is my personal opinion that s x barty is one of the worst fucking things i have ever heard lol. who even is barty who is that guy. why would s be interested in him at all. i do not understand it it does not make sense to me. from where are we sourcing the character traits and personality that we are giving barty that would ever endear sirius to him, because it objectively cannot be canon.

overall i do not get the new interest in barty + evan + pandora (+ regulus, but we won't go there)...at all, other than guessing that people were bored with the marauders and wanted a new version of them (and new celebrities to fancast) while simultaneously changing next to nothing about them other than superimposing them onto the first slytherin side characters they could rustle up. i expect ive become a bit of a broken record in regards to my dislike of the popular meow-meow-ification + complete absolution of regulus as a character in order to make him a loveable oc (just as i think erasing all the negative traits that r/s have in order to make them more likeable is just as boring), and all of that applies to those other guys as well (with the slight difference that they are, somehow, even less interesting and significant than regulus in canon), so i won't get into that too much. but i think what you say about having no emotional connection to any of it is exactly right lol--it is a sort of shift? i guess? in the fandom that is simply of no interest to me. they are characters that i just have no emotional investment in and admittedly struggle a little to understand why other people do. i am emotionally invested in, like, five characters overall (and even out of those--there's only two i'm really here for innit xx) and i personally cannot extend that investment to a creepy little side character who is mentioned maybe twice in the entire series.

and that is okay! i do not need to understand it. i don't want to say it annoys me because honestly--i don't go there, its nothing to do with me. if i dont like it i just wont interact with it, and the fact that it doesn't interest me has no bearing on what other people are into or want to do, and i couldn't give less of a shit what people do with the canon material, which is largely garbage anyway. take the bits you want from it, play around with those and ignore the rest. in that respect we are all doing exactly the same thing. but yeah i think s x barty is genuinely awful lol. hate it. very terrible. he's already got a loser werewolf boyfriend and he loves him so so much. leave him alone.

[axreliono]

trying to add a scene into an old chap bc a specific plot thread has been bothering me for a while now but ITS SO HARD TO CHANGE SOMETHING THATS ALREADY PUBLISHED WITHOUT ENTIRELY REWRITING. my editing style is quite literally "if sucks, rewrite from scratch" which isnt useful rn. pain and suffering for ten thousand years

[blujayonthewing]

list of heavily moralizing questions to make my true neutral and deeply exhausted and fucking fed up ranger go berserk and just start tearing out throats

[rimouskis]

one of my new coworkers so delicately straddles the line between "pretentious" and "deeply interesting/cool" and I'm very curious if he will STAY on that line and not fall off into one end or the other

[vilelittlecritter]

Me: "I don't like people, I prefer being on my own and not talking"

People: "oh okay we'll leave you be then"

Me: "wait no PLEASE COME BACK I WANT LOVE-"

[skitskatdacat63]

Why do I say things like this. Like what was the need. Why do I feel the need to jinx myself. What was the reason.